i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
