he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize