i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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