I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
