Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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