He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
