i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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