Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
