Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
