put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
