Where is the hickey?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
