just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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