i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
and you fell through a lawn chair
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
