God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
