Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
