Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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