God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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