and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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