Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
