No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
