after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
