Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
