I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
