Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
