Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
