How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
