Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
