so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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