she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize