Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
