i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
