Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
