This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
