you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
