He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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