K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
