Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
