clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
