Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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