I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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