so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
