i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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