if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize