i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
