i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
