i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
