It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
