i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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