waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
