im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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