You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
