The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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