half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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