Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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