I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize