I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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