Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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