I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
