i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
