nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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