do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
