At least make sure they are 18
Why
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
