spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize