anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
