hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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