I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
