you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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