He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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