I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
