The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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