Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
