Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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