I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
