Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think i got beer on your cat.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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