look no pants
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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