Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just had sex bonerless
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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