I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
