If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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