I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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