How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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