This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
