i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize