sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
