Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
