it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
