these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
