It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
