man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
