so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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