I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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