I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
