So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
