Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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