I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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