Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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