I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize