U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
